I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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