pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize