You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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