You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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