and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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