Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
