Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
