I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
