Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
