shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
