Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
