Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
