He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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