oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
