hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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