dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
