i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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