my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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