used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize