Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
