My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
