tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
