I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
