Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
