you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
