I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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