Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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