she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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