So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize