Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
