I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
