dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
