Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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