I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
