this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
