addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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