I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
