I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's blow job season.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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