I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
