new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
