bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
