I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
