Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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