brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
