I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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