Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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