The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
