just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
