He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
