i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
