I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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