i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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