I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
