I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
