Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
