What did we do last night that was yellow?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
