epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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