He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
