ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
