This is not my ceiling
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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