i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
