No stitches, just platelets and will power
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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