I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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