Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
