Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
