remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
