Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
