He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
