sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
