So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize