it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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