He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
